You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
