So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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