Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
