I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
