those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
