I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
