dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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