I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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