I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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