She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
