Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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