I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
