I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
