so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
