i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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