Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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