the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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