She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
