We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
