are you still at the devil's house?
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
