fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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