dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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