I'm going to jail i love you
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
