do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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