We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
