look no pants
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
