Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
