I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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