$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
