I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
