youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
