Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
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