dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
