morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Randomize
