I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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