hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
