My first STD was from a foam party
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
