checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
