Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
