DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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