Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
