we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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