i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
