Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
