dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
did i walk over a car last night?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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