its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
