apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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