If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
