I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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