Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
