I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
