So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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