you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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