Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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