so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
