THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
