Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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