had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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